Glossary
Survivability Index
A measure of how likely it is that any character will survive through the end of the film. While at first glance the calculus involved may seem simple, it is in fact highly complex, depending on the race and gender of the character, the genre and sub-genre of the film, the country of origin and even the decade in which the film was made. A complete treatment is not possible here, but a few examples may suffice:
- In the 1980s, being the partner to a grim, nihilistic American cop was almost certain death. When said grim nihilistic cop also had a tortured, tragic past, SI was statistically zero. In fact, the only verified survivor is Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon series. His survival is all the more remarkable when his race (black) and domestic status (happily married, with bright and promising children) is considered; indeed, in most of the world it is considered miraculous.
- On the other hand, being an Asian sidekick was pretty safe in the 80s, provided one was also goofy. Serious, straight-man Asians had middling SI numbers, but throw in some techno-geekery, bad fashion sense, and a knack for awkward butchery of English, and you were pretty much golden. Such characters were likely to be injured, often taking a bullet for the hero, but they almost always recovered from their wounds.
- In the late 1990s onward, though, SI for attractive Asian women really went downhill. Scientists still don't know why, nor if it shares a common cause with the corresponding rise in SI for sass-talking Latinas.
- Latino males in non-lead roles have held their SI figures rock-steady through the decades since the 70s, which is to say, about 15%.
- The SI of whites is all over the map, but broadly, females do better than males, sidekicks do worse than heroes. For love-interest females (92.5% of all female roles) SI is around 85%, for all other females, 96%. Men range from < 1% (see grim cops' partners) to 99% (grim cops).
- SI is broadly much higher in American comedies than in action films, but in Asia all bets are off. Seriously, those things are slaughterhouses.
The Incompetent God
A killer in a slasher film who, for the most part, is capable of both astounding feats of Ninja-like skill and competence, as well as mistakes so dunderheaded as to embarrass Homer Simpson. Examples of skill:
- sneaking undetected into any corner
- stealthily coming up behind any victim
- unerringly tracking down the location of his prey no matter how well hidden
- shrugging off more punishment than physical matter, let alone a human body, can actually withstand and stay intact at the molecular level
Examples of foolishness:
- taking twenty minutes to batter down a flimsy closet door
- standing stock-still, glowering menacingly, rather than you know, actually killing the hero
- giving the hero a ten-minute head start
- calmly strolling after the hero who is running away to beat the band
- swinging wildly at the hero with his machete/axe/cleaver/whatever, getting it lodged in a doorway/wall/table/whatever and dumbly spending several precious minutes attempting to pull it back out, giving the hero ample time to batter/shoot/stab/run away from the killer
The Law of Predictable Mechanical Malfunctions:
This law holds that any mechanical device will malfunction at least once when their normal operation would provide the protagonist with either a quick escape from the killer/monster/whatever, or some kind of physical advantage over same. So while the overwhelming majority of malfunctioning devices are vehicles, chainsaws, nailguns, and drillpresses are also particularly prone. These failures are often fatal to the protagonist, though of course this depends on their survivability index.
Dangler
A film that dangles suspects in front of the audience arbitrarily, only to seemingly pick one at the end at random as the killer.